The Jennys get tangled up in Disney

When little Jenny went to our local movie store to rent Tangled, the cashier gushed – gushed! – about how fabulous the movie was. It had just come out that morning, and she already owned it.

Hm.

Movie rental girl has questionable taste.

Or maybe she's just a hopeless romantic. Either way, she clearly was willing to suspend her belief in reality for 100 minutes and buy into Disney's recreation of the traditional Rapunzel story, released for sale Tuesday, March 29.

But the Jennys struggled with Disney's hopeless romanticism and unrealistic characters. Tangled didn't match the caliber of Beauty and the Beast, but we did find a few morals hidden in the fluff.

Lesson one: Mother knows best. Unless of course, like Rapunzel, your "mother" is an evil witch who's using you for your magical hair.

But fortunately, even if you're mom is an evil b, you can use that pretty hair to make new friends. Sexy friends. Because you're sexy, too.

And that brings us to lesson two: blonds have more fun. But brunettes are marriage material.

Rapunzel (Mandy Moore), in her "rebellious teenage runaway" stage, encounters a glorious CGI-man who appears to have been modeled after Brad Pitt and Antonio Banderas. Digital yumminess.

And by true rebellion standards, the hot man means trouble. In this case, a thieving bandit running from a bounty-hunter horse.

Flynn Rider (Zachary Levi) eludes the horse, Maximus, but the Jennys never doubted their eventual reconciliation. Maximus the horse (one of the funniest characters in this otherwise predictable movie) and Flynn share a very Shrek/Donkey relationship – you know they love to hate each other.

Flynn and Maximus's inevitable friendship taught us lesson number three: sometimes you find friends in the most unlikely places, like the horse chasing you to the gallows, a charming chameleon, or a chubby cupid – you just never know.

And finally, lesson four was a bit more practical: frying pans make awesome weapons. Upside, everyone owns a frying pan. Downside, you have to carry around a frying pan. We're on the fence about the practicality, but we definitely value this discovery.

Although Disney taught us these vital life lessons, we were left with more questions than answers after watching Tangled.

Why are Rapunzel's eyes so huge? And why are her pupils so dilated? Did she have an eye exam the day of filming? Is she on drugs?

If this movie is set in medieval times, then how do ruffians know about French mimes and Mozart? Do medieval bandits have the capability to time travel?

How do the villagers make lanterns float? Seriously, they look like marshmallow lampshades, but they float through some crazy Harry Potter magic.

And most confusingly, how the helldoes Rapunzel keep her hair clean and neat?

I mean, the movie is called Tangled, but her hair is a pristine glowing blond, and there is nary a snarl.

She romps through fields and not even a blade of grass gets up in there (that's what he said). Someone please explain her hair regime to us.

Readers, we've picked on Tangled enough. And we're actually more confused than we were when we started. So for those of you able to stomach the improbability of a PG animated romance, watch Tangled. And then report back to us with some answers.