Plumper, slower squirrels invade campus

The Sciurus nigeris taking over campus. Better known as the Eastern Fox Squirrel, these nocturnal rodents are bulking up for winter and becoming lazy and apathetic to their student neighbors.

The laziness is not a shock.  What is shocking has to be the nature in which these squirrels consume any and everything food related.

Just last week there were reports of a squirrel eating an entire pumpkin that was smashed following Halloween.

Several days later, I saw a squirrel trying to climb a tree with an entire apple in its mouth.

These squirrels are venturing from their normal diet habits in order to bulk up for the upcoming winter, but surely there has to be some sort of negative effect to chowing down on the latest Commons cuisine.

Right?

Biology professor Amy Lewis doesn't think so.

"It's not optimal for them to eat processed food," she said, "but they are probably getting enough nutrients from their everyday diet, so this will help them fatten up."

The squirrels have fattened up and, in proportion to their added weight, have grown equally lazy.

The new, slow squirrels on campus have created an environment that most students are not used to.

"I almost stepped on one," said sophomore Ezra Thompson. "I had snap my fingers at it before it would run away."

Animals often acclimate to people in major cities like New York and Washington D.C., but on a small campus like Augustana's, we are experiencing something out of the ordinary.

With winter soon approaching and snow already on the ground, our furry friends will soon be hibernating until spring.

After a long winter of rest and relaxation, the squirrels will rise from their slumber and be the active bouncy critters we love to see around campus. For right now, however, they are on a slow waddle toward slumber.

Waste is never a good thing, but for squirrels on campus, our neglected nutriment is turning into something helpful for a cold winter, where food will, undoubtedly, be scarce.

Perhaps we can learn something from these crazy critters. No, I'm not saying we should start overeating. However, we should be aware that this winter will be fierce and can easily turn into a dangerous situation for any student.