Juvenile trend invades adult atmospheres

Adults don't watch Barney or need training wheels on their bikes. They don't need help tying their shoes, and they generally can get dressed on their own. And most adults are past the point of rubber duckies and safety blankies.

Despite these irrevocable facts that make adults well,  adults, many are choosing to act like children because of one ridiculous, bendy trend: Silly Bandz.

For those of you unaware of this trend – kudos to you for having grown-up friends!]

Now before educators or parents start complaining, I don't actually take umbrage with the product itself – or the trend it's created with children.

Silly Bandz are awesome for a certain demographic. They come in hundreds of different shapes, and they're the ideal recess-conversation starter. I'm more than a little jealous that I didn't have a Rudolph-shaped Silly Bandz to celebrate Christmas as a child, or ghost and witch combo for Halloween.

Kids trade, share and collect Silly Bandz the same way my generation coveted slap bracelets and pogs. And the generation before hoarded Matchbox cars and She-Ra dolls.

But when a product's most popular collections are Dora the Explorer, Hello Kitty and Justin Bieber, adult use becomes seriously creeptastic.

It's the same for moms at Miley concerts or twenty-somethings with Tigger pajamas: grow up and leave children's trends to the children.

The most disturbing instance of adult Silly Band misconduct takes place in the dating world.

Adults don't push boys they like on the playground or pass "do you like me? check yes or no" notes in class. The dating scene, especially for those in college and beyond, is just not a place for such immaturity.

Sadly, adults are reverting to juvenile tactics by using Silly Bandz as a flirting technique.

You don't believe me? Take this conversation as proof of both the existence of Silly Bandz as a disturbing adult trend and an incredibly infantile dating maneuver.

"Oh, you have a football Silly Band, that's so cute! You look like you played in high school – you're so buff."

Ugh.

If after this you still want a Silly Band, or the requisite fifty, consider this question: would you wear a Teletubbies shirt to work? Or worse, on a date?

I didn't think so.

And any respectable adult currently wearing a Silly Band should take it off now. First and foremost for safety reasons: it's probably cutting off your circulation because you're not six, which means your arm is bigger than the Silly Band. But once the blood starts flowing again, you'll see the point clearly:

This trend is not for you.