Matt’s Musings Acomplishment Part 2: Identity

There is a reason we feel disappointed or even depressed when we get fired from a job, fail a test or get dumped. 

It's not just the societal pressure we feel to succeed and accomplish (the topic of one of my recent columns); that's significant, especially as it relates to the ego, but not the whole picture.

The reason, according to many spiritual gurus, has to do with identity, or sense of self. 

We have defined our identities since a very early age by the labels we give ourselves and the roles we play. 

So when we "fail" and lose our roles and labels—Employee of Company X, Conqueror of Tests, Wife of John—the failure can wound or even destroy our core sense of self.  In other words, "me" or "I" or "my."

And in one arena or another, everybody has an issue with it - especially yours truly.

When I had to give up playing the drums due to chronic muscle pain, the loss was unbearable, as painful as losing a close friend or family member.  I identified myself as a drummer.  I am Matthew; I am Drummer.  That was my identity - until the health of my muscles forced me to quit.

So I did what most people would do in such a situation:  I clung all the more desperately to the identity of Drummer until that became impossible to sync with reality, and I became depressed. 

Instead, I should have relished the opportunity to not need to know exactly Who I Am, which would have been true freedom indeed.

Escaping the hurt of this kind of predicament requires changing the way we identify ourselves. 

Unfortunately, that's easier said than accomplished.  It's hard not to define ourselves in the same manner everyone else does.

Better that we should make the process simpler, then, and instead change our paradigm.

Here's an exercise to try, to be performed slowly and calmly while taking deep, full breaths.  Hold out your hands and focus your attention on them. 

Feel the blood and energy flowing through them.  Stay there a moment.  Now shift your focus to the feet.  Your forehead.  Finally, place your awareness in your chest and feel your breathing. 

What do you observe?  

The energy that you feel, that is your identity, your life force.  You, in this moment, now, completely present with what is. 

Everything else—the labels you've earned for yourself, the roles you're playing in your life - is not you, and will only confuse, misguide and disappoint you.  

When this is completely accepted, the subconscious self will begin slowly to realize that it no longer needs to fear for its survival.