Whenever I hear Dick Cheney or one of his colleagues play on Americans' fears of terrorism, I chuckle.
This country has seen only one successful foreign terrorist attack—unless you include the work of the Bush administration—and even that one could have easily been prevented. Terrorism does not worry me, Mr. Cheney.
Peanuts—yes, peanuts—kill more people each year in this country. And I would imagine, though I can't claim it is fact, that balloons are also more deadly.
What does concern me is how dreadfully grave this country is. Everyone takes themselves too seriously, especially in political and religious arenas.
And you, Mr. Cheney, are among the worst.
My proposition is this: mandate that everyone man and woman 14 or older watch at least one Family Guy episode a month.
The animated comedy TV show is an almost-unbiased source of wisecracking; whether you're Jewish or Christian, white or black or Asian or Latino, man or woman or child, intelligent or moronic, you have been the butt of a Family Guy joke at one time or another.
Take, for example, Peter Griffin, the main character. He is an overweight, white male, easily swayed because he's too ignorant and stupid to think to think. Drink and life-endangering recklessness are his vices.
Some episodes flaunt an attitude that seems to say "in your face, organized religion." In one episode, when Jesus comes to dinner at the Griffin house, a conversation arises about religion.
Nearly every Christian pastor in the country must have pooped him- or herself when Jesus said that all religions were basically the same.
One of my favorite lines is from an informational video Peter watches at an anti-abortion protest outside an abortion clinic.
"And remember," the man on the screen says, "abortion is not only murder, it's also larceny, jay-walking and securities fraud."
Hey, America, it seems to say, Do you realize how ridiculous you are?
The result of watching all this nonsensical, half-baked comedy might be a country that stops taking itself so seriously, deflates its ego just a teensy little bit, and begins to, yes, laugh at itself.
And that, Mr. Dick Cheney, is a sound national security policy.
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